 
Balletlover - Balletmania
written by Vic at on 12.01. at 17:08:47 I read your recent posting about the stress with Dea & your future step- kids. You are absolutely right that everything isn't always sunny in relationships, and as a step-dad, you're fairly powerless except to cajole and encourage. For what it's worth, Marie's son Dan was 12 when we married, and over the next few years he became an absolute hellion! Substantial drug use, theft, vandalism, arrested, dropped out of school, you name it. Maire & I didn't even have a honeymoon until 11 years (!) after we got married mainly because of the threat that Dan was going to cause some new calamity while we were gone. After he dropped out of school there was this lengthy period I referred to as "Dan's permanent vacation", where he wasn't working, had no plans except for how much entertainment could he have in the next 12 hours. About 6 months after he turned 18 I just couldn't take it any more, and was just about to give an ultimatum that he had to seriously change or go. I fully expected that to be the end of my marriage, because Marie was so unwilling to deal with the way he was acting. About 3 weeks before my self-decided date for "the big talk" Dan started acting violent & physically threatened Marie. Luckily, I was home at the time, stepped between them and told him not to touch her. He got angry, stormed out, and moved out that night into a crash pad with a bunch of his buddies. I helped him move, and would occasionally drop off some basic groceries for him. Marie said I was "enabling" him, to which I responded that I wasn't letting him come back home to live, so would she rather see him crash & burn? He had to have serious lung surgery (smoking & drug related) and when he saw how much support we were for him, he finally turned his life around, got his G.E.D., some job training, quit smoking and acting like a wild ass. Now he is a fine adult with his own home, a great fiancee, a very good job, and a happy life. We have an excellent, close father-son relationship now. He credits me with having given him the help & the example to turn out OK, when most everyone assumed he was eventually headed for prison. I'm telling you this not to say that everything in life is guaranteed to turn out OK, just to support your position that good things are absolutely worth the sometimes herculean effort. Best Wishes!- Vic Answers to this message:
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