 
Balletlover - Balletmania
written by Seamless at on 04.07. at 19:44:57 - as answer to: Who do I choose? by DancemaniaK at >Been thinking a lot lately about something that's been killing me. I have a girlfriend and we have been going out for a long time. I already know she's the one I'm willing to have as my life-long partner, the one I will marry. She's beautiful, kind and very loving. She also comes from a pretty conservative upbringing and I know for a fact she will NEVER understand my lycra fetish. I have never worn lycra or shown any interest in the matter when I'm with her. I love her dearly and know I am definately going to have to make a decision soon. I have lived with my lycra for almost 10 years and don't know if I can do without. What should I do? Anyone who has been in this situation, please help me.>DancemaniaK--You've asked the one question I'd say is the toughest of all. Of course, none of us here are trained therapists (as far as I know), so all we can do is offer advice that you must take with your own careful discretion. There are so many things to consider here. But one of them, "ditching the fetish", is impossible. Like Riddler said, it's akin to your hair color. How can you change something like that? You can disguise it, but underneath the true color is still there. As I see it, you have two choices: 1) Tell her, or 2) Continue to hide it from her. You're already doing choice #2. You could very well continue it further, until the time when you'll either HAVE to tell her or she manages to discover it herself. I believe in honesty. I also believe in privacy. But they can sometimes be diametrically opposed. On the one hand, you both have a right to know about each other's skeletons. Yet on the other hand, revealing a skeleton early can scare away the other person, and too late can introduce trustability issues. Ultimately, you will have to tell her. For your sake and hers. But how you do it is strictly up to you. You know your situation best. In simple terms, you can introduce this by first showing an interest in HER wearing pantyhose, or tights. And maybe intertwining it in your sex-life somehow (some women love wearing crotchless pantyhose or bodystockings during sex). Based on how all of that goes, you gauge how she feels about you... and the "interest". The key here, is once you establish a very strong relationship, she won't dump you because of your fetish. She'll be confused about it at first (if she doesn't truly understand what a fetish is). And you'll have to talk about it at length. But at this point in the relationship it would be ridiculous for her to reject you outright. If she did, then she's not worth being with (far too judgemental and close minded). She may accept it without a problem or tolerate it as long as you keep it limited, confined. The threat is almost always the idea of the fetish taking your interest away from HER, and sometimes introducing questions about your sexuality. She just may surprise you, and show you more tolerance from that stiff upbringing than you thought. Does she love you the same way you love her? Do you have a good sex life with her? If so, then she's not going to give up on something like this, as long as you introduce it right. From my experience, doing it casually is wise. Coming on strong with something like "Honey, there's something I really need to tell you about me. I've been keeping this sexual secret that..." would be a BIG mistake. You might want to try talking openly about sex, AFTER having great sex. And then talk about fetishes. Maybe come up with a couple of possibilities, weigh them out, and then decide which one would work best based on how you know her. I hope I've been helpful. Good luck! And, please let us know what you end up doing and how it goes. The rest of us here may gain some insight too. :-) ~Seamless~ Answers to this message:
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